Gragra, Flight, Fear & Faith: Exploring Nigerian Politics and Leadership By Austin Isikhuemen

Austin Isikhuemen | Contributor on politics and business-related topics

The recent near-air mishap involving Wike brings to mind some aspects of airflights and experiences that I have had over the years. Some funny, some scary, others instructive but all full of lessons about man, technology, nature, spirituality and the inevitability some call fate!

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There is a feeling you feel when a car in which you are traveling develops a fault. It’s is very scary for some, others take it in their stride. Yet some blame the devil for a mere mechanical that regular maintenance could have prevented or made less severe.

Nothing, according to such “believers” happens by chance or through man’s negligence to do the right thing.  But, since the car travels on land and there are parking spaces and lay-bys, the fear is less severe.

Wike was conscious that there is no parking space, no lay-by in the sky. He could see through the window the height he would huttle from if the worst happened. He must have been thinking too that Fubara would have the last laugh and Atiku would pay a condolence visit that lack sincerity.

Then what happens to the billions, if any, that lay in nondescript accounts that would be difficult for NOK to trace and take over after the mandatory probate registry rigmarole.

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So, our performing minister turned 360 degrees. His prayers, uttered with the same vehemence with which he threatened to set fire to the states of any governor that dared him, appeared designed to frighten and blackmail God into taking action. And he believes it worked. We have the thanksgiving as evidence.

He must also have thought that his good deeds and godliness has been validated by his plane’s safe landing and his own survival.

Therefore, continuing to do what he has been doing in larger measure must be a fulfilling and justified endeavour. God, he must surmise, has kept him alive for the unfinished political business, especially of 2027! And the leftover FCT demolitions as well as Fubaraic size-cutting in Rivers State.

I have had my fair share of frightening incidences in flight. So I know the feeling. Here at home and even abroad in Europe! I have seen people pray the way Wike did.

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I have seen a man of about 70 pee on his trousers on an Arik flight from Benin to Lagos. I have experienced a huge hug by a beautiful caucasian lady, who didn’t respond to my earlier greeting, when a massive turbulence struck while we flew across the Atlantic. But one uncanny thing I have noticed: those who profess faith loudly fear the most.

Some years ago, only two small airlines with two small aircrafts commenced flying the Benin-Lagos route before the advent of Arik and after Nigeria  Airways died. One had a second world war era propeller aircraft with a ceiling fan for the pilot and rivets all over its exterior.

I cannot remember it’s name now but I became friends with one of their pilots. One day, I missed their flight from Lagos to Benin and, as I had to get to Benin at all cost to meet a Guinness deadline, I had to find an alternative.

That was how a tout, around the General Aviation Terminal, seeing me with my traveling bag and frustration obvious on my face, offered to help. He collected money more than what the airlines would normally charge and told me to follow him.

He would book me into an NNPC plane going to Benin and Warri and would be departing in a few minutes, he said. I followed into the building where Aero used to operate from. My boarding pass? He said not to worry. I was a bit uneasy.

Then we saw people moving out to go to the small NNPC-branded plane and he pushed me forward. As I wanted to ask about my ticket and boarding pass, he just said go with them and board. Then he disappeared!

So I pretended to be an NNPC staff and joined the few people and boarded too. No questions about identity or boarding pass. Then we took off. One first sight that got me worried was that the interior looked decrepit, a total departure from the exterior that looked so great! Tattered seat leathers and all.

They couldn’t even lock the door that seperates the pilot from the passengers! So we saw the pilot in full glare in his struggles to keep the plane in the air when it suddenly plunged towards the forest and lost more than 4000 feet, in my estimation. You could hear “Jesus, Jesus, Father, save us”  from the few passengers.

Others held on firmly to the seats in front of them as if the seat is tettered to heaven and will not fall if the aircraft did! I was afraid too, I won’t lie!

My worry was about the fact that there was no manifest and no one who knew me knew I was in that aircraft! So if the worst happened, no one would know except if identity cards or body parts were spared! So you can understand the sweats that poured from my brow when we managed to land in Benin Airport in spite of my not shouting or praying loudly while the many descendings and rapid ascensions  lasted.  I also spotted the pilot with eyes closed and head tilted backwards while we filed out of the painted sepulchre of an aircraft.

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Then the slim Arik aircraft that I flew to Lagos one evening. We were about to board when this massive cloud covered the sky and the pilot got information about a massive storm and likely turbulence imminent.

He ordered boarding without any delay to check our boarding passes at the foot of the aircraft and big drops of rain had started to land. For whatever reason, the pilot said he had to be in Lagos that evening. It was the last flight of the day.

The pilot said a few things and said he would fly under the clouds. He did and the terrifying speed was such that we landed in about 25 minutes. I never knew that slim plane could be flown at that speed! A elderly man that sat beside me had pee’d on his trousers and couldn’t get up to allow me pass and pick my bag and desembark as the rain was beginning to fall in Lagos.

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It was while I struggled to get past him while bending downwards inside the narrow cabin that I saw and smelt it. He was seating in a pool of his own urine. Fear had done its worst. He was the last to disembark.

Years later, I flew the, arguably, world’s biggest passenger aircraft – the Airbus A380 – from New York’s JFK International to Dubai airport. While we boarded at New York, a pretty lady sat next to me and I greeted her and wanted to start small talk as the flight was going to be a rather long one. She hardly responded, so I faced my business watching movies, listening to news, browsing on my laptop and quaffing nice wines offered aboard.

The pilot announced that as we crossed the Atlantic toward Scandinavia there would be massive turbulence, and everyone should fasten their seatbelts and cabin crew to take their seats. I still cannot fathom why first fly upwards towards Norway and Finland area before flying downwards towards the Middle East to land in Dubai.

There must be an aviation reason. I have been used to turbulence and didn’t worry too much. Besides, I was inside the world’s biggest aircraft and not those puny ones like Bowing 737s or the propeller aircrafts that look like children’s toys that can be put in the A380’s cargohold.

Then the massive turbulence started. I have never experienced anything like it all my flying life! The massive aircraft whose interior looked like an event centre with multiple decks and several sections was tossed around like a rag doll. I could have shown panick but I didnt.

The pretty, haugthy, arrogant lady had lunged across her seat and held unto me as if I was a solid part of the plane that would be unaffected if we crashed! And oh, her perfume and succulent feel almost made me forget the danger we faced. Confession time, this.

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Unlike Wike! I didnt pray, I wanted the turbulence to last a little longer and it did. Not due to my wish though. I understand, from the pilots announcement later, that it was normal at that place and time.

Many folks in that aircraft displayed trepidation and one only needed to see the relief on their faces and the start of animated conversations at the end of the turbulence to know what men feel when there is a problem while airborne.

But there were no Wikesque loud panick prayers. Most passengers were Europeans and Arabs. They didn’t worry Jesus or God with such noise and yet didn’t crash. But I know everyone must have expressed a wish to whatever they believed in and eanerstly craved a desire to stay alive.

I wonder how those Wike’s pilots felt seeing Oga they used to fear, and they thought “dey kampe” only to see he “didn’t dey” once airborne! Chai. This was not a laughing matter. The GraGra we do down here is only down here. Above the clouds there is no big man….

Postscript: Someone should tell Wike na joke I dey o…

14 June, 2025.

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