Ministering to the Minister by Austin Isikhuemen

Austin Isikhuemen | Contributor on politics and business-related topics

In this short piece, Austin Isikhuemen delivers a biting, poetic commentary on power, authority, and courage in contemporary Nigeria. Drawing from the sharp wit and musical rebellion of Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, the piece transforms a recent political standoff into a layered metaphor for resistance and conscience. Through rhythm, irony, and vivid imagery, Isikhuemen captures the tension between those who wield power and those who dare to question it, reminding readers that integrity sometimes wears the uniform of defiance. It is both satire and reflection: a moment of truth wrapped in lyrical protest.

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You be thief, I no be thief

You be rouge, I no be rouge

You be robber, I no be robber

You be amu robber, I no be amu robber!

So sang the Abami Eda

Fela Anikulapo-Kuti

Who carried death around in his pouch

Would have gone to studios yesterday

To record another platinum song

Memorialising the eyeball goalless draw at Gaduwa

You be fool, I no be fool sir!

You are foolish, I no dey foolish sir!

You are very foolish, I be officer sir!

You small boy!  Me na commissioned officer sir!

You no go build am. Obeying my orders sir!

With a staccato of Sirs

In a crescendo of firm resolve

Such a resolute rejection

Of the intimidator by an intimidatee

Explosive eyeball-to-eyeball stalemate

In this Goliat-David encounter

The catapult’s place taken by a bayonet

Leaving the dark-goggled men in suits

With hidden instruments of violence

Playing spectators in a confusing match

Why did the snake

In a fit of massive rage

Aim its deadly venom at the stick

Rather than the wielder causing him harm?

Even the gutter-general of Lagos

Like thug enablers of Pilate of old

Calls for defenestration of the messenger

For doing what orders-is-orders is all about!

How many guns were in play?

Kalashnikovs with protruding magazines of death

Unseen cold metals peeping behind suffocating suits

The visible 100 rpm of DSS

Enough to pulverise a bandit raid

Annihilate canoe-loads of ISWAP warriors of Lake Chad

Their boss once said in guttural father’s voice

“They must learn a lesson!”

But have they, by yesterday’s goalless draw?

Providing distractive skits in cyberspace

Sober ministering to the minister

By the “upstart” with balls of steel

You can laugh all you want

With stress-relief that this provides

The Trumpian heat was just too much!

12 November 2025